At a rally today in Mobile, Alabama, President Trump was viciously assaulted by a shoe-slinging Democrat assailant. Authorities identified this heckler as none other than Joe Barron, avowed communist and never-Trumper. President Trump was swift and was able to dodge the attack from the would-be assassin. Eyewitness Hank Helmer gave this account of the incident:
“I was just standing there listening to Trump incoherently ramble on about something stupid, and then all of a sudden I see this shoe come from behind me, flying over my head. I thought to myself, I’ve seen this before with Dubya. But anyways Trump must have seen that shoe before it was even thrown because he dodged it quicker than anything I’ve ever seen. The guy has cat-like reflexes. I can’t explain it. He doesn’t look like the type to be quick, but he is. I’d like to see that fight between him and Biden. I think that would be really sick.”
After dodging the shoe, President Trump came down from the stage and sprinted right toward the attacker, Joe Barron. Trump then viciously beat him with his large and mighty fists of fire and fury. After he was done with him, the Secret Service dragged the Democrat out of the arena. The crowd cheered rabidly and the president returned to the stage and had this to say after the incident:
“That was fun. Are you people not entertained? They tell me I have the best rallies. What other president has ever done that? Sleepy Joe and Crazy Bernie couldn’t do that. Why would anyone vote for them? They are very weak. Very weak. We need a strong leader. I’m a strong leader. Right? That’s right. Get him out of here! We’ll deal with that guy some more later.”
White House Officials later confirmed this incident and said the president is in perfect health and is feeling stronger than ever. It looks like the Democrat plot backfired and they just added fuel to Trump’s fire.